My iAddiction
"We love our smartphones, and habits can be hard to change — we're all only human. Yet the irony is that our over-reliance on these technologies actually has the power to make us feel LESS human."
I get in my car after leaving the Apple Store. As I exit the lot, I reach down for my iPhone to call Dad. What am I thinking? I just dropped the damn thing off for repair.
Minutes later, I get a great idea to write about. I start to pull over so that I can jot it down in my iPhone Notes. Hello. Still at the store. Whatever that idea was, it’s in the wind.
Just realized I forgot to order the book “Out of the Clouds” from Amazon as a gift for my friend Barry. Reach down. Still not there.
Now I’m driving to a lunch meeting at a Mexican restaurant in Phoenix. I’ve never been there before, so I’ll just use iMaps. Ummm…
I get to the restaurant on time, but 20 minutes later, my associate has not arrived. Have I been stood up? How the hell would I know — can’t call or text.
Biding my time, I start thinking bout what ballgames are on tonight that I might want to bet on. I’ll check DraftKings. No dice.
Finish lunch at 2:00. Trying to find the best way to clear my mind. Maybe go up to Brown’s Ranch later for a hike — listen to that podcast I saved last week. Sure.
Between 2:00-8:00pm, I’ve reached for my phantom smartphone at least five times to Google something. And I’m sure I’ve reached for it at least another five times to check social media. It’s a strange feeling not being on social all day. A sort of lack.
Finally, as I’m about to go to sleep, I’m thinking about the meeting I have at 8am. I’d better set my alarm… Not gonna happen. I’ll have to try to use Kramer's internal clock approach.
By now, each time I reach for the iPhone I don’t have, I’m reminded of stories about amputees who still have the reflex to move a missing limb. That’s why it’s called a “reflex.” You begin to act without consciously thinking about it.
But this is an electronic device. Not an arm or a leg. And in that moment, as I was reviewing all of the things I had wanted my phone for over the last 12 hours — the realization truly hit me: I was completely iAddicted. My smartphone — and that feeling of having the universe at my fingertips — had a chilling amount of power over me.
All of this happened in June of 2023. Nearly a year later, I can guarantee you that I am even more attached to my iPhone activity. And I haven’t even mentioned the frequency of impulses I have each day to text friends and colleagues. I shudder to quantify it.
Many of the ideas I get for writing remain on a list for a while. Then something will happen to jog my memory or motivate me to start scribbling about it. For this article, it was two things within 24 hours:
First, I lost my iPhone last Saturday, during a switch of golf carts. When I realized this, it gave me that initial feeling of anxiety before I calmed down and remembered it’s just a phone. We found it.
But an interview I’d watched the night before was what really got me focused on my iAddiction. Jonathan Haidt was talking about his new book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.
Haidt’s overall thesis is that after 2010, the mental health of children who were born after 1996 “collapsed.” This is because teenagers — really, all of us — started using smartphones as opposed to flip phones. High-speed data and apps like Instagram motivated kids to spent far more of their time sitting on their beds communicating on their devices versus spending time together. They began “socializing” through their screens — except that that’s not really socialization.
Haidt explains that by 2015:
“They’re not just saying they’re depressed, it’s that they are cutting themselves, they’re being hospitalized. Especially pre-teen girls, their rates of self-harm triple. Suicide is up 50 percent. All of this started in the early 2010s.”
Of course, these negative consequences don’t just apply to kids, though in some ways they are the most vulnerable. Our love for and reliance on these hand-held conveniences can do damage to anyone at any age. We are all only human; yet the irony is that our over-reliance on smart technologies have the power to make us less human. The Atlantic’s Derek Thompson describes what’s happening to America right now as a “crisis of social fitness” — that is driven by “aloneness.”
Aristotle defined “The Golden Mean” as a virtuous middle ground between the extremes of “excess” and “deficiency.” My own translation of this concept is that balance is one of the most worthy goals we can pursue in life. I make an effort to apply this age-old principle in my books, columns, thinking, and general interactions with the world. I fail quite a bit, but just having the knowledge that The Golden Mean is in my mind that I can always aspire to it anew gives me comfort.
Make no mistake, before any of the crap that’s online has the chance to make any of us feel bad — it first makes us feel good. Social media is a self-reinforcing realm; it releases dopamine in our brains that feels good in a similar fashion to how we experience pleasure from things like sex, food, winning, earning money, etc. There is nothing inherently bad in any of these things. It’s when we become addicted to behaviors that our psyches can race very quickly — sometimes unknowingly — toward feelings of anxiety and depression.
This is why finding some semblance of balance is essential in this new era of personal digital communications. It’s not like we’re going to shut off our phones completely; that would be impractical at this point for most of us. The world has changed. But what we can do is take a more balanced approach to this 21st century reality.
Or can we? More to the point, can I?
I’m going to try. No, I mean it. Really, really try — with set limits on when I even keep my iPhone turned on or in my physical vicinity. More focus, less distractions. Better quality time with my hilariously fun friends. Fewer inane or non-urgent interruptions — which cover most of them.
Wish me luck, especially if we meet in person. And if there’s a delay in my electronic replies, well, you’ll know why. It’s a good thing.
Yes! And The Anxious Generation is at the top of my reading list.
Brilliant column today, Michael. What follows is a similar story - an incident I observed (not for publication, as the person I speak of - well, I would need his permission). Here goes: A well-known local author was invited by a Poli Sci instructor to give a talk to students about his latest book. About 3 minutes into his talk, an audible smart phone started ringing from someone in the standing-room-only audience. Ironically, it was not a student's phone that was ringing. It was a phone belong to a man of a certain age (close to my age - and, you know how old I am). He had the worst time fumbling to turn the ringer off, and finally succeeded after about 30 seconds. The author/speaker took it in stride, and used it as a teachable moment for the 19-22-year-olds in the audience, by saying (I am paraphrasing), as he held up his smart phone: "It's ok. I have one, too. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I will tell you this: There are dark forces behind this screen, trying to suck you in. The more you can stay away from these things, the more you will find your soul." I now tell my students this at the beginning of every semester.