Road Rage Reaction
"I generally don’t have much patience for jerks. And if someone thinks I pulled a jerk move, then roll down your window and form some words. If you can only communicate via finger, you’re the jerk."
At first, the sound of the trucker’s horn was an average-length burst. I was heading to downtown Chicago on the Kennedy Expressway, where there’s been construction every year since I got my license in 1983, and the arrows were pointing drivers to merge out of the closing left lane.
I didn’t know why the driver was honking, as I had no room in front of me, and couldn’t gain any rush-hour ground on him if even if I wanted to. So I kept merging. It only took a few seconds.
Then the angry fella laid on the horn for about 10 full seconds, in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic. Then he stopped. For a few seconds. Then he laid on it again. At this point I was wondering if I had a flat tire and he was urging me to make my way to an exit.
I looked into my side view mirror, which was the only one where I could see him up in his raised-up rig seat, and he was flashing me the finger. Big guy. Big beard. Big finger. I chose to give him the thumbs up, and a few minutes later I switched lanes.
Not long after, he pulled up even with me — and gave me the finger again. What the hell could I have possibly done that was so incredibly heinous??
The traffic flow in Angry Trucker’s lane moved him ahead of me, but when I got back up to him side by side, I decided to ask him what I did wrong. So I rolled my passenger window down and looked across. Window still closed, finger still out. He had the lateral thing going. I motioned for him to roll down his window, but it remained shut. Finger unmoved.
This time he pulled ahead in his lane. What a strange interaction. Was he afraid of me? He seemed pretty big, and I’m about 5’8” and was 0-7 in fights when I was younger. If Angry Trucker was so worked up, what was with the hiding behind the window?
I started thinking about the Netflix dark comedy series Beef. It was just one season, but my friends and I thought it was utterly fantastic. Without giving any spoilers, the two main characters get into a road rage incident in the very first episode. Their choices and behavior in that moment set the future course of both of their lives. And it ain’t pretty.
So as I sat in the parking lot that is the Kennedy Expressway, I actually felt pretty good that I didn’t react emotionally to Angry Trucker. Because I generally don’t have much patience for assholes. And if someone thinks I pulled an asshole move, then roll down your window and form some words. If ya don’t, you’re the asshole.
As Angry Trucker pulled ahead again, a great song by The Clash popped up in my iPhone. I jacked it up, feeling excited about my day in the city. Then an old friend called, further elevating my mood…
About 10 minutes later, as I neared my off ramp, Angry Trucker and I pulled even one last time. As soon as we were eye to eye, he still had the lateral finger going. This was one pissed off fella!
I looked at Angry Trucker, smiled, and then gave him a good solid finger back, thrusting it vertically. Like an upper cut. Like I was taught to give the finger.
Hey. I’m still me.
Peace.
MICHAEL GOLDEN is the cofounder of One Million Degrees, a national award-winning journalist and bestselling author of Write Or Die.
