Trophy Husband

If you have genuine confidence or a sense of humor, you’re going to find your way in life. If you have both — you’re gold.

The t-shirt that this guy was wearing just might have been the greatest one I’ve ever seen. Average looking fella. Probably in his 60s. No fancy jewelry or glasses. Black shorts and an Arizona D-Backs ball cap.

This guy couldn’t have looked more ordinary if you’d paid him to — which is why the two words on his shirt scored an easy bullseye:

TROPHY HUSBAND

Even the lettering looked average: white iron-on transfers, circa 1982.

It’s quite possible that like me, you’ve not heard the phrase “trophy husband” before. It’s far more likely that the phrase “trophy wife” rings a bell. That’s because it’s a thing. Men are quite shallow relative to women. Since the beginning of time. If anyone wants to debate the point, I’ll be in the parking lot after the show…

But in case you haven’t heard the term, allow me to cite the hilarious (and often politically incorrect) Urban Dictionary:

“A young, attractive woman married to an older, more powerful man.

“His role in the relationship is to be her sugar daddy and provide her with power and material wealth. Hers, beyond providing sex, is to remind others that he is powerful or rich enough to be desirable to such a woman despite his age and thus to serve as a marker of this status — hence the ‘trophy’ part.

“My asshole ex-husband went out and got himself a trophy wife as soon as he made partner.”

To be fair, Urban also has a one-sentence page up for “trophy husband”:

“A man who looks amazing and sits at home all day, mooching off his wife’s money.”

While both apparently exist, the first stereotype is pointed out and remarked upon a hell of a lot more often. It was even a reality TV show in 2013.

Far be it from me to cast aspersions on anyone else’s physical looks, but t-shirt guy doesn’t fall into the “amazing” looking category. And he’s well aware of that. The beauty is that he’s in on the joke.

The reason this t-shirt caught my attention enough to write about it is because at the same time the guy is expressing confidence, he’s also demonstrating his sense of humor — without even opening his mouth. The shirt instantly communicates that he’s a person who’s comfortable with himself, no matter what his level of wealth or social status.

Think about how much bullshit you hear every day. False displays of bravado and self-aggrandizement. I’m sure you could find it in the TGM archive if you took the time. We’re all human. We get carried away.

There’s a reason why “authenticity” was named Webster Dictionary’s Word of the Year in 2023. The collective mountain of bullshit has been building in our culture for a long time — and the digital era put it all on steroids. That’s why people crave anything real. I know I do.

We also crave humor. We like lightness. It lets us breathe and smile. When people take themselves down a peg — in a funny way — it’s usually attractive. That’s because doing so takes real confidence. It takes not really caring what people think. Security.

My guess is that t-shirt guy is pretty damn successful at something. My further guess is that he has to be pressed to ever really tell anyone about it. I bet he’s also pretty funny, beyond his wardrobe.

I know, I know — how can someone deduce all of this about a guy just by looking at the front of his t-shirt? It may sound ridiculous, but I have a singular and uniquely magical talent. It’s almost otherworldly…

Please, don’t make me elaborate.

MICHAEL GOLDEN is the founder of JEWDICIOUS and The Golden Mean — where he converts ‘hidden lessons’ into active wisdom.

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